And finally we come to tracks 10 – 13.
10. Serial Killer Smile
Crib Notes
At least part of this song was true – I had a few months earlier gone on a few dates with a girl who broke things off because I was continually smiling and she couldn’t work out what I was thinking as a result (it was actually that I was in a good mood and she was reading too much into it but moving swiftly on…). It was in the same conversation she claimed we lacked communication and trust, which I slipped into Divorce for Christmas. I think the fact I was more amused by the realization we lacked the two prerequisites for a successful relationship than I was upset it was over probably sums up she made the right decision!
I did this song solo a few times but it was a bit too personal even for me to be comfortable with and probably isn’t one of my best (though I believe Ian’s a fan) so it was swiftly dropped.
What do I think of now?
About as lo-fi as I’ve ever gotten, I do like the nagging guitar line although my voice again leaves a hell of a lot to be desired! “She thought that I was keeping secrets but I was just hiding my past” is a really good line I’d completely forgotten and I like the fact I play a guitar solo (even if not an especially good one!). And there’s more S & M references, which I think is important. It’s better than I remember but I’m not going to reintroduce it to the set any time soon…
11. On the Banks of the River Seine
Crib Notes
A reprise of “…Doctor” that references all the other songs on the album and incorporates lyrics from an earlier Hawkins song called “I’ve Buggered Off To France” (which at the time I thought I’d never play again but I still even now bring back every once in a while.) The aim was to give the album a sense of cohesiveness both musically by wrapping up the narratives of all the songs.
What Do I Think of It Now?
Again Ian’s done a great job musically, and “…Doctor” is a good piece of music. Obviously there’s a big difference between wrapping up narratives and just mentioning the songs, which I don’t think I entirely grasped at the time. It’s definitely nowhere near as clever as I thought it was. I’m quite glad it references “Pacifists Always Lose”, another early Hawkins song that never made the album. Barely anyone else’d get that obviously.
In short it’s not bad but I wish I’d just used I’ve Buggered Off to France.
12. Not the Kind of Thing I Do
Crib Notes
A love song. Albeit a love song about writing love songs and being self-aware that, in writing a love song, you’re playing a role and presenting yourself in a certain way in order to seduce someone.
I remember the first time I played this at an open mic as there were these three really pretty girls who’d come along to support a friend of theirs hanging off my every word as I sang it. Sadly in all the other times I played it I never recreated this experience. This was one of the songs I always struggled with. We did about seventeen vocal takes (the second one was a good vocal take but there was interference on the audio track and then I never managed to recreate it). I also struggled to play it live as it’s open chords with a capo really high up the guitar and the fingering was tricky. I think part of the thing was that at all my early gigs I tended to be pretty drunk by the time I got on stage and, whilst almost every other song I’ve written is designed to be straightforward to play when you’re drunk, this one really, really isn’t.
It was another one that got dropped after the Silences were formed and better songs came in.
What Do I Think Of It Now?
The first thing I think is Ian did a great simple piano part. Lyrically I think in retrospect it’s a bit cynical – it might not be as clear to anyone else but I know full well I was writing it with the intention of getting girls to like me (Tom Mayne of David Cronenberg’s Wife’s describes as the ‘”fuck me, I’m sensitive” school and it’s an acute observation of something a hell of a lot of singer-songwriters do, subconsciously or otherwise). It didn’t work and in a way I’m glad I live in a world where these things don’t work. The song contains a few smart lines about love and love songs but looking back it’s not one I’m especially proud of.
13. Don’t Blind Me With Science
The only song from this album to get recorded and re-released by the Silences, just because I didn’t successfully communicate to Ian how I wanted it to sound. This version is much closer to the acoustic version I played as a solo singer, albeit with random guitar noise from Ian on top.
We played this song in the Silences for the next few years and released as a single. We unofficially retired it when Alex left, as it was a song he was always great on live, but I’ve not ruled out bringing it back at some point.
What Do I Think Of It Now?
I really like the song and think it’s definitely one of my stronger moments This recording’s not bad and I like the drums on it but still prefer the band version.
